Romance Part II

I am a magnet for awkward situations.  They just happen to me all the time, and with romance there is no exception.  The following is a recollection of the most circumstantially awkward date ever.  Really, I don't think you could set up a more awkward date.  You may actually feel awkward just reading about it, but don't despair; there is a happy ending.

We have all, of course, seen awkward couples on dates.  My brother used to be like that with his girlfriend.  From what I had seen of them, they seemed to either enjoy silence or just have nothing to say.  They never held hands or made any sort of contact. They were just awkward.  Once I found myself in the theater with a friend and his girlfriend.  Neither member of this couple was particularly attractive; ergo they were not a particularly popular couple.  It was amusing to watch just how awkward they could be and just how far apart they could actually get.  I think you could have fit a third person between them had it not been for the armrest. Neither of these stories comes close to touching my ultimately awkward date.

My friend Tyler met a girl, "Kayla", at his place of work.  Kayla had a friend named "Rachel".  Tyler asked Kayla out but she would not go unless Tyler would set Rachel up with someone.  See where it is going? Before I knew it I found myself going to the movies with two girls I have never met and my friend Tyler, who could be categorized as a womanizer. Tyler and I arrived together at the theater to find the laides waiting on the curb.  Had it not been for Tyler's exclamation of recognition, I might have mistaken Kayla and Rachel as "ladies of the night", so to speak.  Yes, they were dressed that sleazy.  Tyler and Kayla exchanged a few words and we proceeded as a group into the theater.  Rachel and I were not introduced at all except for the customary "Hey" when we all met.

Movies are horrible dates, even with somebody you know.  The girls sat in the middle with Tyler and I on either side.  The armrests could conveniently fold up out of the way.  The armrest between Tyler and Kayla rose immediately, and it was not the only thing to rise.  While they were getting busy, I was freaking out.  Where do I put my arms? I like to use the armrests, so I put my hands on the armrests.  Which way do I lean?  I always support myself in a chair by leaning on my right arm, doing so encroached upon Rachel's space.  But why worry, right?  I had bought a soda and some Dots before at the candy counter.  I really like Dots because you get a lot and they take along time to eat. Plus they are good to share -- but when I tried to share I discovered that Rachel didn't like Dots. Then Rachel suggested to Kayla that they visit the ladies room together. This female habit is a mystery to males, but that's another story.

Tyler suggested that I put up my armrest so that things might go better between Rachel and myself.  I complied.  Not because I wanted to, but because I am a sucker and give into peer pressure real fast.  Kayla and Rachel returned from their little trip to the bathroom, but before Rachel can enter the aisle, Kayla asked Tyler if he wanted to go for a walk.  At this point things got seriously uncomfortable for me.  With Kayla and Tyler gone, Rachel moved to sit next to me again. In the process, she unfolded the armrest that I had tucked away.  I should have said something wickedly hilarious at this point, but I could not even think of a mildly witty thing to say, so I kept quiet.  I resumed leaning my weight on the armrest toward Rachel, until she asked, "Care to not be so close?"  Sure, I guess not.  Wow. We sat in silence, separated like the ugliest of ugly couples.

Afterwards, we found Tyler and Kayla just outside the door, thank God.  Tyler said goodnight to Kayla, and we were on our way.  I had uttered a maximum of twenty words the entire evening.  Tyler insisted that we four meet again, but apparently I wasn't Rachel's "type".

And the happy ending? Tyler found out that Kayla actually had another boyfriend. They are still friends and now Kayla is trying to hook Tyler up with Rachel.

Romance Part I
An Introduction to Romance

Editor's note: Sorry for the long delay on this sequel!