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Memories from Middle School Dances

Holly McKelvey, Tuesday November 28th, 2006

I was at Blockbuster browsing the Comedy section one evening when my friend called from school. Watching the middle schoolers primp and prepare for a dance, she said in low spirits, “We’re seniors,” as though that should mean something extraordinary.

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“Aren’t we supposed to have a better social life than the middle schoolers?”

“I can’t believe Blockbuster doesn’t have Elf!” I tearfully responded. Having proven her point I settled for Anchorman instead. My recipe for a perfect Friday night? Hot chocolate, a blanket, and a movie. I’m way over middle school dances.

But really, what was the big deal? What was so great about middle school dances, and why did I continue to go for all those years?

First of all, you couldn’t attend a middle school dance unless you had a crush. There was no place for fun. It was about obsessing over the boys. Just my luck, I went to an all girl’s school, where it was a mark of status to have a boy to obsess over (actually knowing him was irrelevant). Preparations for the dances were lengthy -- a clue as to why these dances were so appealing; They offered us young, hormonal preteens a chance to play grownup. If only I’d known then that the grownup me wouldn't have cared! I mourned the time and tears I could have saved by skipping those dances and staying home to watch Zoolander.

The dances themselves were about as interesting as a debate about pocket lint. They were held in the gymnasium of whichever school was hosting that month; the lights were all turned off, though around the holidays they might break out a strobe light or strings of white Christmas lights. I mean, seriously. Was this some joke by the people who organized the dances, so that they could laugh at all the middle schoolers who thought that darkness was mood lighting for the slow dances?

The music was mostly just loud. Between that and the lack of lighting, most of us abandoned ship and spent the majority of the dance outside. But that’s okay: for a mere $5 there were refreshments!

In addition to the lack of lighting and the overpriced beverages, there were the love triangles. Dozens of them. Everywhere you looked. And quadrangles, and trapezoids and even the occasional rubix cube. My biggest crush (oh, how I crushed on him!) liked my frien-emy (I told you middle school was complicated), who had a crush on the longtime crush of one of my best friends. One of my classmates was madly in love with a guy named Buddy, who had a crush on a girl at a school that is my school’s sworn enemy. But the thing is, non of these wistful daydreams every really panned out. So with all these complex and unrequited love triangles, we developed a complex strategy: stand in little clumps in the corner of the room and giggle as boys walked past. If I were a boy, I’d have been terrified of us.

I wouldn’t have minded doing some dancing, or at least having some fun, for goodness’ sake! But everyone just stood around, and pretended they were having fun because their parents weren’t there and they were out past nine o'clock.

You know what? Evenings with a mug of hot chocolate and a movie are all I need. Who cares if they're a bit reclusive. There’s no boredom, no boys, and I can have all the lights I want. It’s lot of happiness, laughs, and love (of Will Ferrell).